Truths unfolding...

The judgment day,again.The day of realization has come again.The day has come again to sort the flowery chaff,the polished varnish of the dire truths.After much contemplation I have decided to stop thinking about you and dream my extravagant dreams. After the fete, I’ve finally realized that our relationship is going nowhere. The word ‘relationship’ is itself a misnomer;we had never anything between us. Yes,I would never deny that I loved you once, I had craved for you once,I had tried to possess you once against all hopes,all logic,all judgment and against my physical and mental betterment, and I had once even firmly and most soundly believed that nothing can part us in the long run,but that ‘once’ is not now. Things have changed,times have changed,conditions have changed and with them I’ve have changed too,as the rule of life is to change from one phase to another. There are other factors too. Firstly,I am tired of this one sided,frustrating,dejecting,painful,illusionary dreams,and I find no point in ruining myself in an impossible dream,a wild goose chase. Secondly,my peer pressure is now in its zenith,and my father has nearly gone crazy apprehending about my future. He is now mercilessly torturing me to give up all I love;food,music(without which I truly cannot exist),friends, ‘adda’;and to eternally pursue my academics like a mechanical zombie. I’ve tried to make him realize that I cannot do without a little excitement in my life, and I’m not that kind of a study-geek I used to be,but all in vain. I just cannot manage so much pressure in my life,neither I think can any 18 year old can manage. And finally, I’m not the type of person for you,either as a friend,since I could never be your friend,neither fill its position as a friend should. There are certain clauses for a friendship to develop. Friends can tell each other everything without any hesitation they can argue,fight and then make up on a subject. They can be good to you without reason and can also be rude to you at times. They can share each others innermost secrets,and can complain to you on anything. Such are good friends. And neither you nor me can fulfill these terms. And like love friendship is also mutual;if one cannot fulfill its needs,it cannot work out. I could never be your friend, ever give you any advice or help,since when talking with you a very different part of me plays in my mind,which only wants to talk and hear uselessly to you. Nor can any kind of relationship between us. We are poles apart,both in attitude and personality. I’m cool-headed(though the quality is nulled whenever I speak to you!), I’m an analytic,I give every piece of work that I do a logical justification and reasoning,I think twice before I undertake any decision,I’m methodical,humble and I treat my fellows as beings whose every words and actions should be respected, even if it might sound absurd to my reasoning. I freely discuss my problems in my circle, and I’m never ashamed to admit when I’m wrong,neither am I ashamed to point out others mistakes. I like to leave some aspects of my life to chance, and I accept that what comes to me as something good and helpful. And yes, I can provide effective solutions to problems and can can comfort people when I want to. I don’t really know how many true friends I have,and how many like me or despise me,but this is what I really am. I never tell these sort of things to everybody cause I hate to publicize. And I believe that each person in this world possess some quality or the other which the people around him doesn't, and that possession should make him proud and un-inferior even in the company of the elites. But I wouldn't mention your faults and failings,you already know what they are. And if you feel that you are too good and superior to have any faults,its high time to start finding them out. I can give you a starting push. You are proud,arrogant,obstinate and impulsive,you cannot see beyond a person’s superficial image,and you think that the loss of D_ in your life is the biggest loss possible,and you yourself try not to grow out of it. You are immature and cannot make out the goods from the bads. You are whimsical and temperamental and do not know where to stop or limit yourself. Independence is necessary,but without that fine line of difference between independence and stupidity, you would get lost forever. Here I could point to some of my own cons,but I know all of them so why bother? But before saying sionara, there are three things I always wanted you to know. Firstly ,you had once asked me what do I find in you. I don’t remember what I mumbled casually, but the fact that you were so contrary to me made you appealing. You are so not me, so different from my true self was what I loved,craved for and desired. Maybe that’s why they say controversy makes a pair. Secondly there is no other woman in my life because of whom I am drifting away from you. There were never any other women by far, but someday I earnestly wish that there would be some one who can show me,want me and crave for me just as I had once wanted a girl. And for the grand finale, you were the first person I had ever loved, the first to excruciate such tumultuous emotions and the one who had reincarnated my life. I would always remember you and love you even that we are taking our own separate ways. I came to know that you never look back upon a person that you once forsake, all I want to tell that even I have got the same trait. Well I was a beginner, but my luck didnt favour for me.
Adios.

Catharsis I hate;logical justification I have...

Say hello to Rita...

My life is slowly taking a turn. I now feel the need of a true friend,a girlfriend,to whom I can confide my innermost secrets which torment me to be answered. I say a girlfriend,’cause I have got enough boys who will listen to me, and provide me,or at least try to provide me,with necessary answers. But the trouble is I will get them from a guy’s point of view,a viewpoint through which Adams have tried through eons to gain that special someone,but had failed in more cases than not. The subtleties,the mysteries,the craves,desires and wants of the feminine mind can only be gathered from a girl,as I believe that there is one deep,hidden,unaccesible area in the souls of both the sexes,which makes all men,or all women, however different they may be,very much alike. And it’s the touch in that area, if one can ever discover it,which will make them shed all the garments of their personas to reveal the real spirit of the being,that he or she is.
I am slowly beginning to feel that I have found that one woman who can be my true girlfriend,with whom I can share my emotions. She is having the same problem as me;she is also very much distressed with her own life,which had taken a turn for the worse since a couple of years. Being quite beautiful, she has to cope with the pressure of her frustrated wooers,who are taking a toll on her mental,spiriual and academic betterment and leaving her in a frenzy of helplessness and distress. Her own lover,quite a close friend of mine,had broken up their relationship, without any justification,which now makes both of them repentent and lamented. And now she wants to get away from all this racket,and enjoy life just as an eighteen year old should. Say hello to Rita.

Guess who rita is...written sometime in Sunday, September 19, 2004, 2:54:12 PM

Silence is a great healer

Oft the stilly night,
Ere slumber chain has bound me,
Sad Memory brings the Light,
Of Other days around me.
The joy, the tears of boyhood years,
The words of love then spoken,
The eyes that shone,
Now dimmed and gone
The cheerful hearts now broken;
I seem like one; who treads alone
In some banquet hall deserted;
Whose light are fled; whose garlands dead
And all but he departed.

-“The Light of Other Days”-Thomas Hardy

Laughter is the best medicine, but is Silence the greatest healer? When everything comes to an end, when a mysterious loom spreads over the entire momentum of your life, when “the lights are fled” and “the garlands dead”, are you all alone; only Silence giving you company till the grand finale of your life’s sojourn? Life’s atrocities, coupled by your fair share of brickbats and defeats, the ever ensuing urge to keep up to your dreams of success, and all its confusions, does make you numb and ‘silent’ sometimes. The underlying question is, does it heal? Does it make life any better, any less than that it already is? Silence, undoubtedly, is the greatest cure when confronting people with illogical ideas, irrational ways of behaviour and ever burning rage against all the malfunctioning systems of life. Silence, calm and composed, is the undisputed medicine in all such raving diseases.
The healing powers of Silence are challenged in a gamut of different situations. Is it silence that a rape victim will resort to, when uncouthly robbed of her life’s dignity and joy, and wait for it to ‘heal’? Is it the same silence that an underprivileged boy will maintain, when his more affluent and powerful competitors rob him of a chance of employment, by their own power-play? Silence is the potion of a spurned lover who can move out with dignity; it’s surely not an option in the afore-said scenarios. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone”. Let me embellish this well known phrase by adding, “Be silent and you are silent alone”. There are times to stay silent and there are other times to speak out, to challenge and rebel against injustice. If the soldiers were in a state of mournful shock, the Sepoy Mutiny would have never happened, hadn’t they rebelled against their religious beliefs.
Raising they decibel is not a solution, but raising it with proper content, proper ambition and a proper goal to achieve, is. Let silence heal, but let it also heal our wounded pride and our lost glories so that we can stand out as winners in the rat-race of our lives.

Creative writing competion at office;did'nt win anything :(