Truths unfolding...

The judgment day,again.The day of realization has come again.The day has come again to sort the flowery chaff,the polished varnish of the dire truths.After much contemplation I have decided to stop thinking about you and dream my extravagant dreams. After the fete, I’ve finally realized that our relationship is going nowhere. The word ‘relationship’ is itself a misnomer;we had never anything between us. Yes,I would never deny that I loved you once, I had craved for you once,I had tried to possess you once against all hopes,all logic,all judgment and against my physical and mental betterment, and I had once even firmly and most soundly believed that nothing can part us in the long run,but that ‘once’ is not now. Things have changed,times have changed,conditions have changed and with them I’ve have changed too,as the rule of life is to change from one phase to another. There are other factors too. Firstly,I am tired of this one sided,frustrating,dejecting,painful,illusionary dreams,and I find no point in ruining myself in an impossible dream,a wild goose chase. Secondly,my peer pressure is now in its zenith,and my father has nearly gone crazy apprehending about my future. He is now mercilessly torturing me to give up all I love;food,music(without which I truly cannot exist),friends, ‘adda’;and to eternally pursue my academics like a mechanical zombie. I’ve tried to make him realize that I cannot do without a little excitement in my life, and I’m not that kind of a study-geek I used to be,but all in vain. I just cannot manage so much pressure in my life,neither I think can any 18 year old can manage. And finally, I’m not the type of person for you,either as a friend,since I could never be your friend,neither fill its position as a friend should. There are certain clauses for a friendship to develop. Friends can tell each other everything without any hesitation they can argue,fight and then make up on a subject. They can be good to you without reason and can also be rude to you at times. They can share each others innermost secrets,and can complain to you on anything. Such are good friends. And neither you nor me can fulfill these terms. And like love friendship is also mutual;if one cannot fulfill its needs,it cannot work out. I could never be your friend, ever give you any advice or help,since when talking with you a very different part of me plays in my mind,which only wants to talk and hear uselessly to you. Nor can any kind of relationship between us. We are poles apart,both in attitude and personality. I’m cool-headed(though the quality is nulled whenever I speak to you!), I’m an analytic,I give every piece of work that I do a logical justification and reasoning,I think twice before I undertake any decision,I’m methodical,humble and I treat my fellows as beings whose every words and actions should be respected, even if it might sound absurd to my reasoning. I freely discuss my problems in my circle, and I’m never ashamed to admit when I’m wrong,neither am I ashamed to point out others mistakes. I like to leave some aspects of my life to chance, and I accept that what comes to me as something good and helpful. And yes, I can provide effective solutions to problems and can can comfort people when I want to. I don’t really know how many true friends I have,and how many like me or despise me,but this is what I really am. I never tell these sort of things to everybody cause I hate to publicize. And I believe that each person in this world possess some quality or the other which the people around him doesn't, and that possession should make him proud and un-inferior even in the company of the elites. But I wouldn't mention your faults and failings,you already know what they are. And if you feel that you are too good and superior to have any faults,its high time to start finding them out. I can give you a starting push. You are proud,arrogant,obstinate and impulsive,you cannot see beyond a person’s superficial image,and you think that the loss of D_ in your life is the biggest loss possible,and you yourself try not to grow out of it. You are immature and cannot make out the goods from the bads. You are whimsical and temperamental and do not know where to stop or limit yourself. Independence is necessary,but without that fine line of difference between independence and stupidity, you would get lost forever. Here I could point to some of my own cons,but I know all of them so why bother? But before saying sionara, there are three things I always wanted you to know. Firstly ,you had once asked me what do I find in you. I don’t remember what I mumbled casually, but the fact that you were so contrary to me made you appealing. You are so not me, so different from my true self was what I loved,craved for and desired. Maybe that’s why they say controversy makes a pair. Secondly there is no other woman in my life because of whom I am drifting away from you. There were never any other women by far, but someday I earnestly wish that there would be some one who can show me,want me and crave for me just as I had once wanted a girl. And for the grand finale, you were the first person I had ever loved, the first to excruciate such tumultuous emotions and the one who had reincarnated my life. I would always remember you and love you even that we are taking our own separate ways. I came to know that you never look back upon a person that you once forsake, all I want to tell that even I have got the same trait. Well I was a beginner, but my luck didnt favour for me.
Adios.

Catharsis I hate;logical justification I have...

Say hello to Rita...

My life is slowly taking a turn. I now feel the need of a true friend,a girlfriend,to whom I can confide my innermost secrets which torment me to be answered. I say a girlfriend,’cause I have got enough boys who will listen to me, and provide me,or at least try to provide me,with necessary answers. But the trouble is I will get them from a guy’s point of view,a viewpoint through which Adams have tried through eons to gain that special someone,but had failed in more cases than not. The subtleties,the mysteries,the craves,desires and wants of the feminine mind can only be gathered from a girl,as I believe that there is one deep,hidden,unaccesible area in the souls of both the sexes,which makes all men,or all women, however different they may be,very much alike. And it’s the touch in that area, if one can ever discover it,which will make them shed all the garments of their personas to reveal the real spirit of the being,that he or she is.
I am slowly beginning to feel that I have found that one woman who can be my true girlfriend,with whom I can share my emotions. She is having the same problem as me;she is also very much distressed with her own life,which had taken a turn for the worse since a couple of years. Being quite beautiful, she has to cope with the pressure of her frustrated wooers,who are taking a toll on her mental,spiriual and academic betterment and leaving her in a frenzy of helplessness and distress. Her own lover,quite a close friend of mine,had broken up their relationship, without any justification,which now makes both of them repentent and lamented. And now she wants to get away from all this racket,and enjoy life just as an eighteen year old should. Say hello to Rita.

Guess who rita is...written sometime in Sunday, September 19, 2004, 2:54:12 PM

Silence is a great healer

Oft the stilly night,
Ere slumber chain has bound me,
Sad Memory brings the Light,
Of Other days around me.
The joy, the tears of boyhood years,
The words of love then spoken,
The eyes that shone,
Now dimmed and gone
The cheerful hearts now broken;
I seem like one; who treads alone
In some banquet hall deserted;
Whose light are fled; whose garlands dead
And all but he departed.

-“The Light of Other Days”-Thomas Hardy

Laughter is the best medicine, but is Silence the greatest healer? When everything comes to an end, when a mysterious loom spreads over the entire momentum of your life, when “the lights are fled” and “the garlands dead”, are you all alone; only Silence giving you company till the grand finale of your life’s sojourn? Life’s atrocities, coupled by your fair share of brickbats and defeats, the ever ensuing urge to keep up to your dreams of success, and all its confusions, does make you numb and ‘silent’ sometimes. The underlying question is, does it heal? Does it make life any better, any less than that it already is? Silence, undoubtedly, is the greatest cure when confronting people with illogical ideas, irrational ways of behaviour and ever burning rage against all the malfunctioning systems of life. Silence, calm and composed, is the undisputed medicine in all such raving diseases.
The healing powers of Silence are challenged in a gamut of different situations. Is it silence that a rape victim will resort to, when uncouthly robbed of her life’s dignity and joy, and wait for it to ‘heal’? Is it the same silence that an underprivileged boy will maintain, when his more affluent and powerful competitors rob him of a chance of employment, by their own power-play? Silence is the potion of a spurned lover who can move out with dignity; it’s surely not an option in the afore-said scenarios. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone”. Let me embellish this well known phrase by adding, “Be silent and you are silent alone”. There are times to stay silent and there are other times to speak out, to challenge and rebel against injustice. If the soldiers were in a state of mournful shock, the Sepoy Mutiny would have never happened, hadn’t they rebelled against their religious beliefs.
Raising they decibel is not a solution, but raising it with proper content, proper ambition and a proper goal to achieve, is. Let silence heal, but let it also heal our wounded pride and our lost glories so that we can stand out as winners in the rat-race of our lives.

Creative writing competion at office;did'nt win anything :(

Perfection...or is it?

I welcome thee, my Subconscious. I hope that one day would arrive when I could evolve into you. You know who I am, and I know who you are. The prime goal for us now is to merge ourselves into that one Perfect being. Tall, dark and handsome, intelligent yet beautiful, gregarious yet mysteriously melancholic, strong yet soft and with an unparalleled Perfection. Somebody once said when asked whether he was perfect; “I don’t want to be perfect. I want to be imperfect and grow, and evolve with all my shortcomings”. Let me embellish the quote saying that want to be imperfect to feel imperfect, to give actions and words into all my instincts, my passions and my emotions, which the barriers of perfection would never let cross. Then again, Perfection is only an ideology, a fantasy. There is nobody who is perfect in this world (surely I wouldn’t want to be a nobody!). Thus, the sole venture of our project will be, to dissolve our own dissociated selves in the test tube of time, and from that reactive mixture, or rather that compound, scrape off our personal identities, to ultimately materialize into that elusive substance, which the geniuses of all ages have hypothecated as Perfection.


Perfection; a utopian day-dream.

A close encounter with the Fairer Kind

There are things which cannot be expressed in words. These words give much pain, agony and contempt to the speaker when tried to be uttered. They are best expressed in lines. The words which are now being written could have never been told to you by me. Yet everyday from that special day I tried to convey them to you. These words haunt me day and night, at work and at rest, at the present and through the past and I know it will haunt me forever still. But, when so many of these piercing words, buzz and drone my mind, everlastingly, all of them seem to condense, congregate and mystifyingly form into three beautiful words which had destined a man’s future from times immemorial. From this broth of words, these three words seem to bloom out as a wreath of pearls, in utmost workmanship and perfection, those three words, those three eternal words, I Love You.

Just a nibble of the forbidden fruit;the first proposal that I had given in writing.

Ode to The Woman on the Judgment Day

A quiet monotonous journey,
As the eyes wander beyond the glassy doors,
Leaving the mind to its pointless, vast journey,
Of Luck, Life and Fates’ slippery toes.

Nothing to report,
Nothing unusual to see,
Nothing that hasn’t ever been thought before,
Nothing for the mind to flee.

Quiet and monotonous;
But behold
And then it happens,
The outburst of Activity,
The crazy, overpowering Emotions,
The fast, relentless and tensed Mind;

The Crave;
For coming a little too close,
For trying earnestly to throw out the words
That stuffs the throat; like a collapsed dam
Do try to gush out to please Desire.

For meeting of the four Eyes
In the unison of a brigade,
For trying to show off
A childish braggart look,
Trying to gain presence;
Looking at the watch, humming a tune
All the while as the eyes peep,
Through the mind’s facade.

And lastly;
For the overpowering wish to touch
To feel the worldly joys
The glory, the honour
To meet the zealous lust;
Just through the soft misty rub
Or even a light dash,
To feel the warmth of May
On skin as soft as a snowy crust.


The Thoughts;
Why, Why, Why the Frantic asks
Why is it so absurd?
Why does it seem so Alien now,
Knowing that it is The one?
Why to deceive the true borne feelings?
Why to let them perish in the bed?
Why to murder these mellifluous notes
With material thoughts, all numb and hard?
Why if Fortune gives me the catch
Miss it should I Must?

And…the Decision;
Hearing all, Conscience, calm and cool
As the placid and tranquil sea,
With eyes as watery as could be,
Replies; Through the pain and shattered wreck
Of the vestige that had once borne Me;
‘The child who wants to grab the moon
Seeing the bright colour into the night,
Try as it might, cannot get hold
Seems so sad, confused with fright;
Then, the wise mother replies,
It has its Heavenly place;
The joy in it, is the Trial to achieve
To pluck it from it’s enthroned peak,
That makes it fine, wondrous and bright;

“As the true Beauty yields
From the place where it reigns”’.

Written when I was first smitten in class 11;people whould have called her a PYT; but to me she was always the Woman

An Open Letter from God

My dear children, and believe Me, that is all of you, I consider Myself a pretty patient guy. I mean, look at the Grand Canyon. It took millions of years to get it right. And about evolution? Boy, nothing is slower than designing that whole Darwinian thing to take place cell by cell and gene by gene.
And I have been patient through your fashions, your civilizations, wars and schemes, and the countless ways that you take Me for granted until you get yourselves into big trouble again and again.
I want to let you know about some of the things that started ticking Me off. First of all, your religious rivalries are driving Me up a wall. Enough already! Let’s get one thing straight. These are your religions, not Mine. I’m the whole enchilada. I’m beyond ‘em all.
Every one of your religions claims that there’s only one of Me, which, by the way, is absolutely true, but in the very next breath each religion claims that it’s My favorite one. And each claims its bible was written personally by Me, and that all of the other bibles are man-made. Oh, Me. How do I ever begin to put a stop to such complicated nonsense?
All right, listen up now. I am your Father and Mother, and I don't play favorites among My children.
Also, I hate to break it to you, but I don't write. My longhand is awful, and I’ve always been more of a doer anyway. So ALL of your books, including those bibles, were written by men and women. They were inspired men and women, they were remarkable people, but they also made mistakes here and there. And I made sure of that, so that you would never trust a written word rather than your own living heart.
You see, one human being to Me -- even a bum on the street -- is worth more than all of the holy books in the world. That’s just the kind of a guy I am. My spirit is not an historical thing. It’s alive right now, right now, as fresh as your next breath. Holy books and religious rites are sacred and powerful, but they are not more so than the least of you. They were only meant to steer you in the right direction, not to keep you arguing with each other, and certainly not to keep you from trusting your own personal connection with Me.
Which brings Me to My next point about your nonsense. You act like I need you and your religions to stick up for Me or win souls for My sake. Please, don't do Me any favors. I can stand quite well on My own, thank you. I don't need you to defend Me, I don't need constant credit. I just want you to be good to each other.
And another thing. I don't get all worked up over money or politics, so stop dragging My name into your dramas. For example, I swear to Me that I never threatened Oral Roberts. I never rode in any of Rajneesh’s Rolls Royces and I never told Pat Robertson to run for president, and I have never had a conversation with Jim Bakker, Jerry Falwell or Jimmy Swaggart. Of course, come Judgement Day, I certainly intend to.
Now the thing is, I want you to stop thinking of religion as some sort of a loyalty pledge to Me. The true purpose of religion is so that YOU can become more aware of ME, not the other way around. Believe Me, I know you already. I know what’s in each of your hearts, and I love you anyway with no strings attached. So, lighten up and enjoy Me. That’s what religion’s best for.
What you seem to forget is how mysterious I am. You look at the petty differences in your scriptures and you say, "Well, if this is the truth, then that can’t be." But instead of trying to figure out My paradoxes and unfathomable nature -- which, by the way, you never will -- why not open your hearts to the simple, common threads of every religion? You know what I’m talking about. Play nice with each other. Love and respect everyone. Be kind. Even when life is scary or confusing, take courage and be of good cheer, for I’m always with you.
And learn how to be quiet, so that you can hear My still, small voice. I don't like to shout. Leave the world a better place by living your life with dignity and gracefulness, for you are My own child. Hold back nothing from life, for the parts of you that can die surely will, and the parts that can’t, won’t. So don't worry, be happy. (I stole that last line from Bobby McFerrin, but Who gave it to him in the first place?)
Simple stuff now. Why do you keep making it so complicated? It’s like you’re always looking for an excuse to be upset. And I am very tired of being your main excuse. Do you think I care whether you call Me God, or Yahweh, or Jehovah, Allah, Wakatonka, Brahma, Father, Mother, even the Void of Nirvana? Do you think I care which of My Special Children you feel closest to -- Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Krishna, Muhammad or any of the others? You can call Me and My Special Ones any names you choose, if only you will go about My business of loving one another as I love you. How can you keep neglecting something so simple?
No, I am not telling you to abandon your religions. Enjoy your religions, honor them, learn from them, just as you should enjoy, honor, and learn from your parents. But do you walk around telling everyone that your parents are better than theirs? Your religion, like your parents, may always have the most special place in your heart. I don't mind that at all. And I don't want you to combine all of the great traditions into One Big Mess. Each religion is unique for a reason. Each has a unique style so that people can find the best path for themselves. But My Special Children -- the ones that your religions revolve around -- all live in the same place in My heart, and they get along perfectly, I assure you.
The clergy must stop creating a myth of sibling rivalry where there is none. My blessed children of Earth, the world has grown too small for your pervasive religious bigotries and confusion. The whole planet is now connected by air travel, satellite dishes, telephones, fax machines, rock concerts, diseases and mutual needs and concerns. Get with the program! If you really want to help me celebrate the birthday of My Son Jesus, then commit yourselves to figuring out how to feed your hungry and clothe your naked, and protect your abused and shelter your poor. And just as important, make your own everyday life a shining example of kindness and good humor. I’ve given you all the resources you need, if only you abandon your fear of each other and begin living, and loving and laughing together.
Finally, My children everywhere, remember whose birthday you honor on what you call Christmas Day, December 25th, and the fearlessness with which He chose to live and die. As I love Him, so do I love each of you.
Now, I am not really ticked off. Not really. I just wanted to grab your attention because I hate to see you suffer. But I gave you free will, so what can I do now other than try to influence you through reason, persuasion, and a little old-fashioned guilt and manipulation?
After all, you know I am the original Jewish Mother. I just want you to be happy, and I’ll sit in the dark. I really am, indeed I swear, with you always. Always. Trust in Me.
Your One and Only,...
God.

(Anonymous mail dat i recvd long back)