Moments in Time

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Truths unfolding...


The judgment day,again.The day of realization has come again.The day has come again to sort the flowery chaff,the polished varnish of the dire truths.After much contemplation I have decided to stop thinking about you and dream my extravagant dreams. After the fete, I’ve finally realized that our relationship is going nowhere. The word ‘relationship’ is itself a misnomer;we had never anything between us. Yes,I would never deny that I loved you once, I had craved for you once,I had tried to possess you once against all hopes,all logic,all judgment and against my physical and mental betterment, and I had once even firmly and most soundly believed that nothing can part us in the long run,but that ‘once’ is not now. Things have changed,times have changed,conditions have changed and with them I’ve have changed too,as the rule of life is to change from one phase to another. There are other factors too. Firstly,I am tired of this one sided,frustrating,dejecting,painful,illusionary dreams,and I find no point in ruining myself in an impossible dream,a wild goose chase. Secondly,my peer pressure is now in its zenith,and my father has nearly gone crazy apprehending about my future. He is now mercilessly torturing me to give up all I love;food,music(without which I truly cannot exist),friends, ‘adda’;and to eternally pursue my academics like a mechanical zombie. I’ve tried to make him realize that I cannot do without a little excitement in my life, and I’m not that kind of a study-geek I used to be,but all in vain. I just cannot manage so much pressure in my life,neither I think can any 18 year old can manage. And finally, I’m not the type of person for you,either as a friend,since I could never be your friend,neither fill its position as a friend should. There are certain clauses for a friendship to develop. Friends can tell each other everything without any hesitation they can argue,fight and then make up on a subject. They can be good to you without reason and can also be rude to you at times. They can share each others innermost secrets,and can complain to you on anything. Such are good friends. And neither you nor me can fulfill these terms. And like love friendship is also mutual;if one cannot fulfill its needs,it cannot work out. I could never be your friend, ever give you any advice or help,since when talking with you a very different part of me plays in my mind,which only wants to talk and hear uselessly to you. Nor can any kind of relationship between us. We are poles apart,both in attitude and personality. I’m cool-headed(though the quality is nulled whenever I speak to you!), I’m an analytic,I give every piece of work that I do a logical justification and reasoning,I think twice before I undertake any decision,I’m methodical,humble and I treat my fellows as beings whose every words and actions should be respected, even if it might sound absurd to my reasoning. I freely discuss my problems in my circle, and I’m never ashamed to admit when I’m wrong,neither am I ashamed to point out others mistakes. I like to leave some aspects of my life to chance, and I accept that what comes to me as something good and helpful. And yes, I can provide effective solutions to problems and can can comfort people when I want to. I don’t really know how many true friends I have,and how many like me or despise me,but this is what I really am. I never tell these sort of things to everybody cause I hate to publicize. And I believe that each person in this world possess some quality or the other which the people around him doesn't, and that possession should make him proud and un-inferior even in the company of the elites. But I wouldn't mention your faults and failings,you already know what they are. And if you feel that you are too good and superior to have any faults,its high time to start finding them out. I can give you a starting push. You are proud,arrogant,obstinate and impulsive,you cannot see beyond a person’s superficial image,and you think that the loss of D_ in your life is the biggest loss possible,and you yourself try not to grow out of it. You are immature and cannot make out the goods from the bads. You are whimsical and temperamental and do not know where to stop or limit yourself. Independence is necessary,but without that fine line of difference between independence and stupidity, you would get lost forever. Here I could point to some of my own cons,but I know all of them so why bother? But before saying sionara, there are three things I always wanted you to know. Firstly ,you had once asked me what do I find in you. I don’t remember what I mumbled casually, but the fact that you were so contrary to me made you appealing. You are so not me, so different from my true self was what I loved,craved for and desired. Maybe that’s why they say controversy makes a pair. Secondly there is no other woman in my life because of whom I am drifting away from you. There were never any other women by far, but someday I earnestly wish that there would be some one who can show me,want me and crave for me just as I had once wanted a girl. And for the grand finale, you were the first person I had ever loved, the first to excruciate such tumultuous emotions and the one who had reincarnated my life. I would always remember you and love you even that we are taking our own separate ways. I came to know that you never look back upon a person that you once forsake, all I want to tell that even I have got the same trait. Well I was a beginner, but my luck didnt favour for me.
Adios.


Catharsis I hate;logical justification I have...

10 comments:

unchained cacaphony said...

wtf???wat a farewell mail...but dude dunno y u put it up on ur blog...personally dont think u shud have

under-ur-skin said...

@unchained:Does it take names,btw its not a mail...

unchained cacaphony said...

i said about the one's who will know...n u have taken one name atleast

under-ur-skin said...

Removed the name, and everything else associated with it too...
And the intent is let ppl know,if any one gives a mortal shit abt it...

the Passive Anarchist said...

Boy o boy, that was one hell of a catharsis. There's blood written all over it. Glad u are still alive!!! Love & heartbreak - thats gotta be the longest running soap ever. Have a go at the piece on women that i've posted (had written that durin clge), n ya'l know, wich i gather u already do...

under-ur-skin said...

@passive
Ya i am alive,my heart is beating and i can smell the filth arnd me...

unchained cacaphony said...

holy shit...wats wid u boys...how old r u???there's bitterness oozing out from everywhere...its just the real world...rise n shine...there's miles to go before u talk like that...n i am glad u remove d name...n as boris puts it i hope u had a proper puragtion of all the bitternes in u...

under-ur-skin said...

@unchained
The word's "purgation",honeybun,and now that u've arrived, im ready to go all those miles witya, just pay for the gas ;) ....

unchained cacaphony said...

that's a typo sweetheart...i dont make such mistakes;)

under-ur-skin said...

@unchained
Well, I will swallow that,Wanderer...